The Wonderful World of Adoption

 

Length of stay in U.S. foster care

Length of stay in U.S. foster care (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Daily Prompt: Bone of Contention
Pick a contentious issue about which you care deeply — it could be the same-sex marriage debate, or just a disagreement you’re having with a friend. Write a post defending the opposite position, and then reflect on what it was like to do that.

I completely understand the process of adoption. I understand that because I have not been blessed to have a child on my own, that I must not be smart enough to properly “house” a child. I need someone to come to my home and check for lead paint, the location of my hot water heater, and the temperature of the water that flows out of the shower. I should be completely prepared to share with this person who is paid with my tax dollars my beliefs, past mistakes, and why I feel that I deserve a child. I mean he/she must be authority on who gets a kid because at the stroke of the pen the process can come to a screeching halt. Failed Homestudy means FIX your household (whatever that means) and he/she will be back to inspect and grade us again. I mean really … doesn’t the process of telling this agent of the state what he/she wants to hear make me a great parent? It wouldn’t make a difference if I said I would give my left arm AND right leg to be able to carry a child to term. I am sure that he/she hears something to this effect on a daily basis. We would die to protect this child (if we pass the guru’s tests and are approved), and while we couldn’t promise that our child would have EVERYTHING that he/she wanted we guarantee that he/she will have everything that he/she needs and most of what he/she wants.

Yes, we need 36 hours of parenting classes. I long to sit in a room with people wondering why my husband and I have turned to adoption. Please don’t leave out the part that if we are willing to be foster parents, this could speed up the process of being matched with a child. You know this would be soooo easy for someone who can’t have children. Sure, bring me a child and IF the birthparent doesn’t mess up again we will come and snatch it away from you after you have bonded with so said child. But, don’t get discouraged this process could happen several more times . Oh Joy, FUN times!   We will enjoy spending 2 Saturdays sitting in a room with others who have to guided through the process of becoming a parent. Please give me handouts and a slide show to teach me how to parent. Tell me how there are children waiting for a forever home and in 12 to 36 months you hope to match us up with a child. Heck, what is another three years of waiting? What is three years to a child sitting longing for someone to call Mom and Dad. God I hate the system!

I was raised in a home where love and support was given unconditionally and in abundance. I have never seen my parents raise a hand to one another or to me. I still receive that love and support every single day and they would be the most wonderful Grandparents that a child could wish for. But, let’s not mention them to the “Adoption Guru” they may be required to take a class too. I am certain that my 39 years of learning (everything the hard way) hasn’t prepared me for  loving, providing for, and guiding a child on the right path of life.

I am not exactly sure that I followed the prompt but it felt good to get this out on paper! Thanks DPChallenge I needed that rant!

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15 thoughts on “The Wonderful World of Adoption

  1. Pingback: Gather The Wood And Light The Fire | The Jittery Goat

  2. My wife and I adopted my son. We conceived my daughter normally, but for a number of reasons we decided to adopt my son. You do a good job of describing the aspects of the process that are less than appealing. I think that it is a product of the government involvement and regulation. Having been on this side of the home visits for five years now, I don’t harbor any ill-feelings towards the process.

    Maybe we were just lucky because we had a wonderful lady who conducted the home studies. Also we had a great experience with the judicial system that finalized the process. We were concerned that we would not be approved because I had a gun in the house, properly stored. We also have two large dogs, blah, blah, blah. This lady did a walkthrough of the house, viewed everything including the gun. She did not care, she was looking for evidence of a meth lab in the basement or signs that we were going to use the child in an improper manner.

    The judge sat and talked with us for about ten minutes. He said that he loves doing adoptions because it is one of the few times that he gets to deal with people who want to be in his court. He swore us in, asked some questions about providing for our son as if he was our own. I said I thought he already was. The Judge laughed and said not without his approval. He gave my wife an opportunity to ask me anything while I was under oath. Then did the same with me. We did not have anything to ask. And it was done.

    If you are adopting, I suggest you have a professional accountant prepare your taxes. There are several things that we would have missed out on had we not used a professional. I hope all goes well with the adoption.

    • I am so glad the process went as well as possible 🙂 for you and your wife. Congrats on your addition to the family. What a lucky young man he is and vice versa! I am sure the process would go ok for my husband and I too. I just haven’t built up the guts to go there yet. Maybe one day, maybe not…I guess I am waiting for the answer to hit me across the face. I know that we have alot to offer a child. But, I know that we will be fine if we are never to be parents. We will keep on keeping on and see where we end up. Be advised…ya’ll will be well aware as I seem to have become one of those bloggers that lay it on the table …pretty or not 🙂 I have heard that there are many tax credits for adoption.

      • We did not do a foster program and I think we both agreed that we did not want to be involved with the system in that manner. We know several people who are foster parents and we have the highest amount of respect for them and the love they have in their hearts.

        We worked with an out of state agency that needed additional profiles. We submitted the profile and forgot about it. About six months later, my wife got a call from the agency informing her that we had been selected. My wife asked when the child was due and they said he was born seven days earlier. In the state my son was born, the birth mother must wait seven days before she can petition the court to allow her child to be adopted. I was traveling for work when my wife called me. It was a short conversation and of course our answer was yes.

        The next thing we had to do was fill out the application process for the agency, in addition to everything else. We had already had our home study completed. There is no doubt that my son was destined to be with us. There is also no doubt that adopting a child is much tougher, much more expensive, and less fun than making one. But I think if you work with an approved agency, a good lawyer, and you follow the law there will be no issues with anyone coming for your child. If you would like the name of the agency that we used or any additional details please e-mail me at robakers19@gmail.com

        One last bit of advice and then I will shut up. Adopting is no different than getting pregnant. Both methods end up with a child that is dependent on you to raise. It is tough, hard, painful and rewarding. I do not encourage anyone to do it unless they are convinced and committed to the child. In the end, the child is the one that suffers for having a bad parent. You have got to be sure and until you are, don’t do it. Good luck with everything.

      • NO…don’t shut up 🙂 keep the info coming! Thank you so much for your reply! It is wonderful to get such a perspective on this. I will email you for more info on the agency. My husband and I are not stuck on adopting an infant. We know that there are older children who need a great home and we would love to give him/her one. As far as the foster parents…they are amazing. I know that my husband and I are not capable of that. I dog sat for a friend of mine and I cried when she came to pick up the dog after 7 days. We get very attached. I realize that is no comparison but you see my point. Termination of Parental Rights would be complete by the time that we came into the picture. That is one thing that I would need to know for sure. IF we move forward? As of now it is a topic of conversation and a prayer priority. I feel, hope, and pray that we will know if and when the time is right. Thanks again for all of your time and comments. I absolutely I had no idea that I would meet such wonderful caring people when I started this blog. What a Blessing!

  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Bone of Contention | My Atheist Blog

  4. My very good friend went through this same process a couple of years ago and expressed the exact same frustrations. She recounted to me the stories of her homestudies. I was one of the people that she asked to write a letter about her and I jumped at the chance to write about what an incredible parent she would be. I got to be involved in putting her “portfolio” together for a service that matches potential adoptive parents with birthparents. As frustrating (and in my opinion, unfair in many ways) as the whole process was, what a LABOR of love she went through! We joked that her labor was a heck of a lot worse than mine. She now has a beautiful little girl and wouldn’t trade the frustrations for anything. You have my complete admiration and I wish you all the best with this process.

    • What I wonderful blessing for a very brave family! I admire anyone who has the guts to start the challenge. I don’t. My husband would start the process yesterday but I am not there yet and I don’t know if I will ever be. I have seen many sides of the family law system here in my state. I was a Guardian Ad Litem for several years. I would do homestudies (funny huh!) where children had been removed from the home due to abuse and or neglect. I was the advocate for the child and I would get my facts ready for the judge and sit across from DSS and their attorney in the courtroom. MOST of the time we were in agreement as to whether the child should go back home or remain in DSS’s custody. I have seen parental rights terminated and visited the child a year later still in a shelter or foster care because of…I have no idea why. This was years ago before I was married and I had no idea that I would be plagued with recurrent miscarriages. I do know that DSS is overwhelmed here in my state and I am sure that it is much worse in larger states. I don’t know…I just have very strong opinions about this subject. I know a family that took in a foster child and raised him for 4 years and are still after 2 years in a battle to keep THEIR son. They are the ONLY parents he has ever known but now his sperm donor has determined that he has time for a child and has attended 2 anger management classes. Because of the blood, he has a chance of taking a boy from the only parents and family he has ever known. What type of person is that? Father material I think not! The nightmares are just too scary to me and I can’t take the chance of being devestated. I would be the woman on the nightly news that had crossed the border and was underground, on the run, wanted, etc etc I have already been devestated 5 times by losing babies to miscarriage. I will keep praying…who knows what tomorrow brings

  5. This sounds like such a hard process to go through 😦 Some years back, when my Mom re-married, she and her husband looked into adoption. They faced the same uphill challenges, despite being stable, loving, supportive people. Here’s hoping the process goes by smoothly and your heart finds some peace within the steps! 🙂

  6. Pingback: Bone Of Contention | Not the Family Business!

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